Infertility and a Lesson in Hope from an Unexpected Source

Unless you’re from up north, you may not recognize the significance of the photograph on the cover of our book, I Am More Than My Infertility, 7 Proven Tools for Turning a Life Crisis into a Personal Breakthrough. Well, there’s a little bit of a story behind it that I’d like to share.

First of all, there’s two things you need to know about me.

1. I’m from New York, and

2. I don’t like the cold.

This made the long winters in New York particularly challenging for me. By about February, I was waiting for any small sign of spring.

Well, it was on one of those February days many years ago, that I witnessed a small miracle. I can still see myself walking out of a friend’s house, and gingerly stepping over the snow packed on either side of her driveway. Out of the corner of my eye, I saw something small and purple peeking out where the snow had begun to melt. I crouched down to get a better look and saw for the first time a crocus, delicate and pristine, bravely growing its way through the icy snow. Amazing.

Life has a fierce determination to renew itself. All of us have stories where something beautiful emerged from an unexpected place–perhaps a place that was thought to be barren and empty. This was my wish in writing the book: to give my readers hope in possibilities, hope in the power of life to continually grow something new. I truly believe that within everyone of life’s challenges are the seeds of opportunity. .

But I think the crocus in the snow really does say it best. As the old adage goes, “one picture is worth a thousand words…”

Infertility: When Those Around You Get Pregnant

What do you do if you’re struggling to have a baby, and your best friend gets pregnant in no time at all? Or your sister? Or anyone else who’s life is closely connected to yours? That was the dilemma facing my client Tricia recently, and her story is a valuable lesson on how to confront such challenges head on. But since it’s her story, I’ll relate it in her words…

“I just knew it!” was all I could say when my mother called to say my sister Megan was pregnant. Hanging up the phone, all I could do was shake my head. I mean what are the chances that she would get pregnant barely a year after she got married, and here I am, five years later, still childless, one failed procedure after another? I was mad, sure–and frustrated as all get out! But when I gave myself a little space, I realized it wasn’t at my sister. In fact, I was happy for her. We’ve always been close, and I knew she’d be a wonderful mother. I was angry at the situation, at the unfairness of life, and as much as I wouldn’t take this joy away from her, I wanted it too.

The other thing I realized was that I didn’t want to turn this into the ‘elephant in the living room ,’ and knowing me, that could happen. I’ve always been the kind of person that would suck up my own feelings, and make it about the other person being comfortable. I knew this was problem for me, but somehow, it never seemed like the right time to change. I knew now that the time had come. This issue, and my relationship with my sister, were too important to pretend.

So I called her for lunch, and I sat across from her–anxious but determined. Deep breath…”Megan, I am so happy for you, but this is so hard for me…” There, it was out there. I looked down, nervous, waiting…and when I looked back up, her eyes, filled with tears and with so much love, met mine.

“I know…” was all she said. All she had to say, really. And then we both took a breath, and laughed at how strange it was to be so uncomfortable with each other.

From there, it just flowed, and we were able to talk. The most important thing that I told her was that I would be there for her as much as I could, but that I had to take care of myself, as well. That was a big step for me, and the first step, I hope, in making who I am, and what I want, a priority in my life.

Marina

More Info on Infertility from Conceive on Air

When you’re trying to have a baby, there’s so much information out there, that it’s important to be able to separate the good from the bad. Fortunately, the people at Conceive Magazine are always on the cutting edge of the latest in expert opinion and research.

Now, in addition to Conceive-on-Air that airs every Wednesday at 2 pm EST (and is available at www.conceiveonline.com ), Conceive founder Kim Hahn is hosting another live Internet radio talk show. This one is called Haveababy.com.

The one hour live Internet talk show airs every Thursday, at 1 pm EST – 10 am PST. Not only do leading experts discuss important issues relative to fertility, you can also call in with your questions. Log on to listen at www.modavox.com/moaview/haveababy.

Talking About Our Past Post on Gestational Carriers in India

Recently one of the I Am More Than My Infertility blog’s regular readers commented on a post we ran last October. That post was called “Women Who Found Gestational Carriers in India on Oprah“. Monica (our reader) wanted to know if anyone could give her more information about that program.

In case other readers would like to know more, here is a link to the Oprah episode.

And here is a link to the program in India: the Akanksha Infertility and IVF Clinic in Anand.

Please understand that by passing on this information, we are not endorsing this program; we are simply sharing our research. And Monica has also asked that we share her email address in case any of our readers know more about this program. If you have comments or information, please post them here or contact Monica at m7martin@aol.com

ReThinking The Way We Look At Infertility

Not long ago, I was a guest on Conceive on Air with Conceive Magazine founder Kim Hahn. The subject was “How to Deal with the Diagnosis of Infertility.”

Surprisingly, the first thing Kim said was, “I don’t like the word infertility!‘” and then both of us launched into a dialog about our associations with the word, including barren and empty. The upshot of the conversation was that getting the diagnosis of infertility can easily make a woman mistakenly feel as if she really is barren and empty, trying against all odds to conceive a child, when in fact, the opposite is true.

The diagnosis of infertility simply means that there has been an interruption in the fertility process that necessitates some type of intervention. This is validated by the fact that the overwhelming majority of women who receive this diagnosis go on to have normal pregnancies and healthy babies.

Words are powerful, and maybe we need another word, another diagnosis, to define what is just an unexpected detour on the road to having a baby. Fertile-pause perhaps?

Marina