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Anyone who has had any kind of experience with cancer treatment knows that the very advances that can cure cancer–chemotherapy, radiation and surgery–are the very things that have the potential to cause permanent infertility.
But there is hope–Fertile Hope. This national, nonprofit organization provides reproductive information and support to cancer patients and survivors whose medical treatments put them at risk for infertility. The founder, Lindsay Nohr Beck, is herself a two-time cancer survivor, and she created the organization as a result of her own efforts to preserve her fertility in the face of critical cancer treatments.
Yes, there are several successful fertility preservation options available, but these are often not used because of lack of awareness, education and financial resources. That’s where Fertile Hope comes in. They provide education, financial assistance, support, and even help advance research with grants.
Visit this wonderful organization at www.fertilehope.org. Hopefully, you’ll never have to avail yourself of their resources. But if you or someone you love does, it’s good to know they are there.
Marina
Cheryl Hall of Dyer, Indiana, has received a federal appeals court ruling permitting her to move forward with a lawsuit against her former employer. Hall alleges that she was fired from her suburban Chicago job after taking time off to undergo infertility treatment.
Originally a US District Court dismissed the case as discrimination, saying infertility is a gender-neutral condition, meaning that she could not have been discriminated against for a factor unique to being female, as males also deal with infertility.
But the federal appeals court in Chicago saw it differently, saying that because Hall underwent in-vitro fertilization treatments, the case really was an issue that applies uniquely to females. The Chicago Sun-Times quoted the appeals judges as writing, “Employees terminated for taking time off to undergo IVF — just like those terminated for taking time off to give birth or receive other pregnancy-related care — will always be women.”
The case might not seem so clear-cut when you consider Read the rest of this entry »
Emerging from An Adoption Nightmare: An Interview with Dawn De Lorenzo Part II
(This is the second in a two-part blog series. You can read read Dawn’s complete story on her websites: www.cribsandcrimes.blogspot.com and www.adoptionloss.blogspot.com.)
Marina: When I read your story about your extended stay in Kazakhstan, I imagine that you must have felt like you were trapped in a web–you had invested too much to leave, and kept hoping against hope that this time the placement would be a success.
Dawn: That is true…you have so much invested and throughout my life I have gone after my dreams and if persistent enough was able to achieve them. This was the most humbling experience of my life – I learned in many ways how little control I have over what happens. The only thing I can control is my reaction to it.
Marina: How did you keep going? What internal resources helped you, i.e., your own spirituality, religious practice, your faith in others, general outlook on life? How about external resources, i.e., your relationship with your husband, helpful people you met along the way?
Dawn: I wish I could tell you that we had a great deal of support throughout this time in our lives when, ironically, we needed people the most. In reality all we had was each other and yes, my faith in God – which I could hardly call “faith” at that time. I was very angry at God and it took a lot for me to make peace with what God was allowing to happen to us and to three innocent babies.
I believe that my earlier tumultuous life experiences helped me get through it. My brother died when I was twelve and just entering middle school. My family fell apart and I was on my own from an early age. I struggled a great deal throughout my teens and early twenties. I think the loss and disappointments I survived helped me to remember that I could get through the challenges we faced. It was much harder for my husband who had never experienced loss of this magnitude.
Marina: How did this experience change you? Are you surprised that you have turned out to be such a fighter for justice, or did you always know this about yourself?
Dawn: This experience has certainly made my faith in God stronger. There were many points in time when I turned away from him in anger. However, the angrier I was the greater my desire to get answers as to WHY He was doing this to us! I read voraciously – that is something that I have always enjoyed and gained so much from. When I read about other people’s hardships and their journey through the dark times I gain so much and it makes me know that I am not alone in this world and instead of asking “why me?’” it becomes “why not me?” It has also made me realize that anything can happen…even after you think all hope is gone.
I have always been a fighter – especially against what I perceive to be injustice. I am very passionate about children (I am a teacher) and I was like a mother bear protecting her cubs throughout this process. These children had nobody to speak up for them. I was also shocked by how many victims of Orson Mozes (and other unscrupulous agencies) did not stand up for themselves or others who are taken advantage of in the adoption process. I could not understand the mindset that “this is just how it is with international adoption” and the complacency that allowed corruption to be acceptable.
Marina: If the person you are now could have a conversation with the person who was about to sign that adoption contract in April 2006, what would you tell her?
Dawn: STOP! Do more research…never select an agency based on a photo listing! Rather than select an agency based on reputation and self-education, we selected a child and contacted the agency listed there.
Marina: What’s next?
Dawn: We are going through IVF right now. We also met with the Ambassador of Kazakhstan and I can’t say too much right now, but let’s just say there may still be hope – a true miracle – yet to unfold.
I believe I speak for everyone Dawn when I wish you every blessing!
Look for Dawn’s story in the Fall Issue of Conceive Magazine on newsstands at the end of August.
Marina
Emerging from An Adoption Nightmare: An Interview with Dawn DeLorenzo, Part I
(This is the first in a two-part blog series)
For any woman struggling with infertility who has ever cringed at the words, “Why don’t you just adopt?” Dawn’s story is a reminder that when it comes to building a family, there are no guarantees.
I wrote about Dawn DeLorenzo’s heartbreaking journey through international adoption in my July 4 blog, Cribs, Crimes and Corruption. I believe Dawn’s story is so incredible because not only did she live through
an adoption nightmare–being stranded in Kazakhstani by herself after two months and three failed adoptions–but because she has come back determined to grow from her experience, help others, and continue in her efforts to build her family. Now that’s inspiring!
Dawn was kind enough to answer some questions about her personal journey and experience. Her answers are honest and real, and I think her voice speaks to women who know that there are no quick and easy answers, and who are so determined to have a family that they simply will not give up.
You can read read Dawn’s complete story on her websites: www.cribsandcrimes.blogspot.com and www.adoptionloss.blogspot.com.
Marina: I notice that you tried several rounds of IUI, and then decided to adopt. Was there any particular reason you did not go the “hi-tech” track?
Dawn: I wasn’t all that excited about putting my body through IVF … it sounded so invasive. My husband and I were both on the same page in that we wanted to be parents and a biological child was not the goal, becoming parents was.
Marina: Did you feel like you had come to terms with not being able to have biological children at the time that you decided to adopt? If so, was there anything in particular that you and/or your husband did in order to bring some closure to that situation, and help you move into the adoption process?
Dawn: In all honesty, the issue of not having a biological child was never something that I grappled with. Certainly, I had concerns about biological factors that may negatively impact our adopted child, and one could minimize the unknowns when having a biological child – but there was no grief process for us over not having our “own” child.
Marina: Your goal was to adopt from Kazakhstan. Were there any particular reasons for opting for a foreign adoption rather than a domestic one?
Dawn: We did very little research on domestic adoption and most of our assumptions were based on what we “thought” domestic adoption was all about. To me it seemed like a pageant with all the scrapbooks that scream “pick me, pick me”. I just knew that there were so many orphans in need of a family that it didn’t seem like the right path for us to get into a competition for a healthy newborn. Also, I think that international adoption appeals to many people because the media portrays domestic adoption as a risky scenario. You hear this horror story about parents returning after the child has been with their adoptive parents for three years and they rip him or her out of their home. Nobody wants that kind of heartache. Sadly, we “thought” it was safer to adopt internationally and look what happened to us!
….Part II, tomorrow on the I Am More Than My Infertility blog.
Marina
On Thursday, the I Am More Than My Infertility blog starts a 2-part series with Dawn DeLorenzo, a woman who has dealt with a heartbreaking adoption experience.
Here are two videos, found on YouTube, that tell you more about Dawn’s experience:
“If I were looking at someone like me two or three years ago, I’d be saying the same thing, ‘Get over it! You have a baby already!’ But somehow, not being able to have a second child brings up all the old hurt all over again. It’s another reminder that I’m failing–that I can’t create the family I want.”
For my client Becky, it took a whole lot of high-tech effort to get pregnant the first time around. But once she was able to successfully birth a child, she assumed that she’d have less difficulty the second time around. Unfortunately, this has not turned out to be the case, and the emotional turmoil she’s experiencing now only seems to be amplified by what she went through in the past.
For other women, pregnancy occurs easily the first time, and again, the assumption is made that other pregnancies should follow easily.
But unfortunately, for those 3 million people in America who struggle with Secondary Infertility, that’s simply not true. Secondary Infertility is defined as “the inability to conceive a baby or carry a pregnancy to term afer the birth of one or more children..and it’s actually more common than primary infertility.” (www.conceivemagazine.com, Spring 2008).
My experience with women and couples who experience secondary infertility is that support is harder to come by. Many people who are dealing with primary infertility would do anything just to have one child, and as a result they find it more difficult to relate to the struggle someone who already has a child is having. Some clients have told me that when they have tried to get support by attending local infertility support groups, for example, there’s a sense of not fitting in–that others there can’t quite understand the depth of their struggle.
I Am More Than My Infertility
In thinking about this, I’ve come to understand that whether it’s primary or secondary infertility, the grief about not being able to have the life, the family, you envisioned is still the same. As Becky so eloquently put it, “When I look at my daughter, and imagine that she may be alone and not have any of the joy and connection that siblings can bring, my heart just breaks for her..”
Maybe it’s a case of having to walk in the other person’s shoes in order to really understand what the experience is like.
Marina
In a recent Los Angeles Times article, Dr. Thomas Walsh, director of the men’s reproductive health program at UC San Francisco School of Medicine, was interviewed about male infertility. He pointed out that while people tend to assume the problem with an infertile couple lies with the woman, many times, this is not always the case.
“In fact, male infertility is quite common. At least 20% of infertility cases are due solely to male factors such as low sperm count, and in 40% to 50% of cases, male factors contribute. Many male fertility problems go undiagnosed and untreated, however — either because attention focuses on their partner or because men are reluctant to get help or unable to find it when they seek it.”
The article goes on to point out that men often tend to resist testing, and even those who are willing to be tested for fertility issues often don’t have a primary care physician to turn to.
If you want to learn more, follow this link to read the full article; it raised many interesting points.
This is a video that was part of the International Infertility Film Festival.
“Our story of IVF, infant loss, and trying again.”…that says it all.
I have an absolutely chilling story to share. This past week, I got an inquiry about an I Am More book order from Dawn DeLorenzo. In the process of emailing to address the matter, Dawn shared with me her own personal story.
She and her husband had decided to adopt after unsuccessful fertility treatment, opting to go the international adoption route. Their journey took them to Kazakhstan, where at one point Dawn was literally stranded by herself after two months. Ultimately, three sons were consecutively placed with the couple, and all three sons were lost because of fraud and corruption. The director of the adoption agency is now a wanted fugitive facing 62 felonies, and featured on America’s Most Wanted.
Since she has returned home, this remarkable woman has been fighting for justice. As Dawn says on her blog site, www.cribsandcrimes.blogspot.com, “I have devoted considerable time and effort to removing Orson (the director of the adoption agency), from the “adoption industry” and will continue to advocate for adoption reforms that place the needs of children first and demand an ethical adoption process process.”
Dawn has also created an Adoption Agency Research Questionnaire to assist prospective adoptive parents and help them avoid working with an unscrupulous agency. If you are thinking about adoption, definitely check out this questionnaire at http://www.scribd.com/doc/2974538/Adoption-Agency-Research-Questionnaire.
If you want to read more about Dawn’s story, go to her blog site. She also did an interview scheduled to be in the fall issue of Conceive Magazine, where she talks about ways to help parents avoid adoption scams, crimes and corruption.
Marina
