Emerging from An Adoption Nightmare: An Interview with Dawn De Lorenzo Part II

(This is the second in a two-part blog series. You can read read Dawn’s complete story on her websites: www.cribsandcrimes.blogspot.com and www.adoptionloss.blogspot.com.)

Marina: When I read your story about your extended stay in Kazakhstan, I imagine that you must have felt like you were trapped in a web–you had invested too much to leave, and kept hoping against hope that this time the placement would be a success.

Dawn: That is true…you have so much invested and throughout my life I have gone after my dreams and if persistent enough was able to achieve them. This was the most humbling experience of my life - I learned in many ways how little control I have over what happens. The only thing I can control is my reaction to it.

Marina: How did you keep going? What internal resources helped you, i.e., your own spirituality, religious practice, your faith in others, general outlook on life? How about external resources, i.e., your relationship with your husband, helpful people you met along the way?

Dawn: I wish I could tell you that we had a great deal of support throughout this time in our lives when, ironically, we needed people the most. In reality all we had was each other and yes, my faith in God - which I could hardly call “faith” at that time. I was very angry at God and it took a lot for me to make peace with what God was allowing to happen to us and to three innocent babies.

I believe that my earlier tumultuous life experiences helped me get through it. My brother died when I was twelve and just entering middle school. My family fell apart and I was on my own from an early age. I struggled a great deal throughout my teens and early twenties. I think the loss and disappointments I survived helped me to remember that I could get through the challenges we faced. It was much harder for my husband who had never experienced loss of this magnitude.

Marina: How did this experience change you? Are you surprised that you have turned out to be such a fighter for justice, or did you always know this about yourself?

Dawn: This experience has certainly made my faith in God stronger. There were many points in time when I turned away from him in anger. However, the angrier I was the greater my desire to get answers as to WHY He was doing this to us! I read voraciously - that is something that I have always enjoyed and gained so much from. When I read about other people’s hardships and their journey through the dark times I gain so much and it makes me know that I am not alone in this world and instead of asking “why me?’” it becomes “why not me?” It has also made me realize that anything can happen…even after you think all hope is gone.

I have always been a fighter - especially against what I perceive to be injustice. I am very passionate about children (I am a teacher) and I was like a mother bear protecting her cubs throughout this process. These children had nobody to speak up for them. I was also shocked by how many victims of Orson Mozes (and other unscrupulous agencies) did not stand up for themselves or others who are taken advantage of in the adoption process. I could not understand the mindset that “this is just how it is with international adoption” and the complacency that allowed corruption to be acceptable.

Marina: If the person you are now could have a conversation with the person who was about to sign that adoption contract in April 2006, what would you tell her?

Dawn: STOP! Do more research…never select an agency based on a photo listing! Rather than select an agency based on reputation and self-education, we selected a child and contacted the agency listed there.

Marina: What’s next?

Dawn: We are going through IVF right now. We also met with the Ambassador of Kazakhstan and I can’t say too much right now, but let’s just say there may still be hope - a true miracle - yet to unfold.

I believe I speak for everyone Dawn when I wish you every blessing!

Look for Dawn’s story in the Fall Issue of Conceive Magazine on newsstands at the end of August.

Marina

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